Tom Swifties           

A "Tom Swiftie" is a play on words where the adverb describing in what manner the speaker spoke has a connection to the thing being spoken of.  Something is not only “said”, it is quipped, smiled, avowed, stated, etc., often with an “ly” adverb attached. “I just got back from the cemetery,” he said gravely.  “I feel like a jackass,” he brayed.  The chance for some serious punning couldn’t be ignored, and the “Tom Swiftie” got started.

 This form of word play has been known of some time, but until Tom came along, it never reached the heights it has now.  There are several sites on the internet about “Tom Swifties”.  The most prestigious seems to be the one by Mark Israel.   I wrote the “Swifties” below, then browsed some sites to see if there were some  others I could show.  Most of the sites seem to have taken theirs directly from Mr. Israel’s.  Sir, if I inadvertently got a little close to some of your “Swifties”, it wasn't on purpose.

"I was just wiped out in the stock market," he said brokenly.

"Put that dog outside!" barked Tom.

"Lipstick on me?? Where?" exclaimed Tom red-faced.

“Can you drive a straight stick?” Tom asked automatically.

“Yes, I came in first,” said Tom winningly.

“I was helping Mother clean some corn,” Tom huskily said.

“Grandpa is losing his hair,” said Tom baldly.

"The General Store has a statue of an Indian by the door," said Tom woodenly.

"This lemonade is too sour,” Tom said acidly.  “Could you add some more sugar?” he asked sweetly.

"I'll admit I am part Apache," bravely Tom remarked.

“You forgot to sharpen my chisel,” Tom said bluntly.

"I could sure use a drink," Tom said dryly.

“I can’t understand Picasso’s paintings,” said Tom abstractly.

“What’s in this salad?” Tom asked crabbily.

“Let me get that for you,” said Tom fetchingly.

“I don’t like Chardonnay,” Tom whined.

“Look, I have a chicken that does tricks!” Tom crowed.

“I think I ripped my pants,” Tom burst out.  “But I am not getting too fat!” he added stoutly.

“I have a job on a ranch this summer,” Tom said hoarsely.

“Who’s playing flat?” Tom sharply asked his band.

“Who wants coffee?” perked up Tom.

“You had three, no four pieces of pie,” Tom added.

“You need to make your measurements accurate,” ruled Tom.

“Oh no!  Someone erased my hard drive,” said Tom blankly.

“I need to clean these chickens before I go swimming,” said Tom pluckily.

“Dad, I think you over-grilled the steaks again,” Tom said crisply.

“Who was that famous Irish satirist?”  asked Tom swiftly.

“Not chocolate frosting again!” complained Tom icily.

"I've had an accident with the axe," said Tom off-handedly.

“This movie will win an Oscar,” Tom projected.

“How do you want to cook these apples?” he asked saucily.

From Mark Israel’s collection:

"The eclipse is starting", said Tom darkly.

"Let's get married", said Tom engagingly.

"Look out for that bird!" cried Tom, ducking.

"I've just changed a dozen mufflers", said Tom, exhausted.

"I love hot dogs", said Tom with relish.

"I can't stand strawberries", said Tom rashly.

"You can't even look after my plants while I'm away", said Tom witheringly.

"Your fly is undone", was Tom's zippy rejoinder.

If you have some "Swifties" you would like to add, please send to webmaster@annies-annes.com.  Put "Swifties" on the subject line please. (Warning:  These can be addictive)

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