Sentence Problems

Sentences can be perfectly correct in grammar, agreement, punctuation, spelling, and everything else and still be poor sentences if they are unclear, boring, redundant, or in other ways just hard to read and understand (Example:  “Bright shining rats babble handsomely.”  Grammatically correct, but what does it mean???)  Here are some things to avoid when writing your sentences.

1.    Be careful of be

Overuse of be and its varied forms as the main verb in the sentence can weaken your writing.  Be is an important verb, and there are many places where it is the only verb that can be used, but too often we get into the bad habit of using it almost exclusively.  That makes our writing monotonous and weak.  In the examples below, notice how the sentences were changed. 

• The beautification of the city park was due to the efforts of one civic group. 

• One civic group beautified the city park.

•  Classifying new flora is the work of an experienced botanist.

• An experienced botanist classifies new flora.

•  The reaction of the class to Miss Prim's announcement of a quiz was complete disbelief.

• The class reacted to Miss Prim's  announcement of a quiz with complete disbelief.

• The ending of the opera is when the baritone strangles the soprano, and the tenor stabs the baritone.

• The opera ends when the baritone strangles the soprano, and the tenor stabs the baritone.

Did you notice that one way to solve the overuse of be is to find a noun (beautification, classifying, reaction, ending) 

and turn it into a verb to use instead of the be verb (beautifies, classifies, reacts, ends)? 

 2.   Unpile the words!

When you “pile up” the words in a phrase or clause, the reader can get completely lost.  When you find you have a written a sentence like that, try to re-arrange it into a clearer form.  Note that the new sentence may not be shorter, but it should be easier to understand.

    a.  Lewis was increasingly uncomfortable with his company’s plan to create the position of executive senior management third-shift line-production supervisor. 

The company’s plan to hire an executive senior management supervisor for the third-shift production line made Lewis uncomfortable.

   b.  Babies ‘R Us is marketing a plasticized denim-lined state-of-the-art rubber-bumper baby buggy.

Babies ‘R Us is marketing a state-of-the-art baby buggy with rubber bumpers and a plasticized denim lining.

   c.  Mom makes a great raspberry-filled, pecan-topped double-Dutch chocolate cake.

Mom makes a great double-Dutch chocolate cake with raspberry filling and pecan topping.

   d.  Correct, detailed, accurate directions of ingredient measurements and the appropriate order of adding them are important in order to prepare the traditional Scandinavian holiday dish, lutefisk.

Using accurate measurements and adding ingredients in the right order is the way to prepare lutfisk, a traditional holiday food of Scandinavia.

3.  Don’t lose the subject or the verb

When you have many long sentences, full of phrases and clauses, or if the vocabulary of the sentence is very specialized or technical, it can be hard to determine the correct subject and verb.  (For instance, in the sentence you just read, what is the subject and what is the main verb?)  Check your sentences carefully for subjects that can’t do what the verb says it is doing, and for verbs that don’t make sense within the confines of the sentence.

• The reasons behind the rapid spread of HIV are creating a serious health hazard in less medically sophisticated countries.  (Are the reasons creating a health hazard?)

• The rapid spread of HIV is creating a serious health hazard in less medically sophisticated countries.

• Nowadays computer keyboards are offering the voice-activated option on many models.  (Are the keyboards are offering?)

• Nowadays, the makers of computer keyboards are offering the voice-activated option on many models.

• A good exercise program strengthens bones and muscles and loses weight.  (The program doesn’t lose weight!)

• Following a good exercise program, a person can strengthen bones and muscles and lose weight.

4.  Vary the sentence length

All long sentences in your writing can be confusing and hard to read.  All short sentences can be choppy and hard to read.  So which do you use?  Both.  Sentences should probably be no more than 15-25 words to be understood.  That is an average figure-- some can be shorter, and some longer.  In some works of literature, sentences of 100 words or more can be found, but they can be very hard to get through!  A rule of thumb is to break up a sentence that is over 30-40 words long.  Believe it or not, finding ways to do that can be fun.

       1.  The delay in replying to your notification has been due to the fact that it was hoped to arrange for a representative of our 

             firm to call upon you.   

       1a.  We delayed answering your letter because we wanted to have a representative visit you.

       2.  The Committee has approved your application and they are agreeable to allocating the stipend for your services 

            that you requested.   

       2a.  The Committee has agreed to hire you and to pay you what you requested.

       3.  I was going to go to the rodeo with Billy Bob except I had to go to the store for my wife, then she 

            decided that we had to clean the garage before we got delivery of the car we ordered, and the garage 

             was so dirty that is took us all day so we were late for the dinner engagement we had with the neighbors.

        3a.  I didn’t go to the rodeo with Billy Bob because my wife wanted me to go to the store.  When I returned, 

              we cleaned the garage since we were expecting our new car to arrive.  The garage was so dirty, that it 

               took us all day to clean it.  As a result, we were late for a dinner engagement with the neighbors. 

 Run-On Sentences